According to the latest research, if you don’t like your job it could be because your friends’ behavior is rubbing off on you. The new social science of “social contagion” is revealing that the choices we make about our bodies, health, career and even our politics can be strongly influenced by our friends. 

A recent article in the New York Times Magazine by Clive Thompson, Is Happiness Catching?, highlights the current research into the human phenomenon of social contagion. The researchers, Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler analyzed 50 years of health data, meticulously combing relationships that spanned three generations to map out how friends and family affect each other’s health. Their findings have knocked the socks off of public health scientists. It appears that our friends’ bad behaviors are influencing us much more than we know. Thompson writes, “Clusters of friends appeared to ‘infect’ each other with obesity, unhappiness and smoking.” “Groups of people would become obese together, while other groupings would remain slender or even lose weight.”

These unseen social forces are also influencing the careers we choose. Before the big banks failed last year, landing a high-paying job on Wall Street was a super contagion. So many Harvard grads got infected that the president of the university made a passionate plea in her commencement speech warning students to wake up from the spell. This dilemma is partly fueled by how little college-bound students know about their own natural talents. They are like a boat without a ruder; they’ll float in the direction of the social tide.  If a young person doesn’t know what they’re best at, they won’t have enough guts or conviction to resist the socially “approved” career trends and take a stand for something else.  In an msnbc.com article by Gayle B. Ronan, College freshmen face major dilemma, she writes “Eighty percent of college-bound students have yet to choose a major, according to Dr. Fritz Grupe, founder of MyMajors.com. But they are still expected to pick schools, apply to and start degree programs without knowing where they want to end up. Fifty percent of those who do declare a major, change majors - with many doing so two or three times during their college years.” College students want to succeed, but without accurate self knowledge to guide their decisions, survival instincts take over. Going after the “hot” career feels like the right thing to do because “following the tribe” is a hard-wired, automatic instinct.  On top of this biological imperative, praise from parents and teachers further nudges students toward doing socially accepted careers.  It’s practically impossible for someone to resist being herded off this cliff.

The bottom line conclusion is that some of our happiness is relative to how socially “normal” we feel in comparison to people around us. Although our cooperative nature was a evolutionary advantage for our ancient ancestors, it is hoodwinking us into making hasty life choices. The result is that at least 70 percent of college-educated people are falling into careers that don’t fit what they do best.  This widespread career mismatch is camouflaged with the youthful drive and enthusiasm that lasts about a decade after college. When people reach mid-thirties something shifts, they’re not happy and realize they’ve been heading fast down the wrong road. One of my clients, a neurologist, spoke for many of  my highly educated, financially successful career changers; “I’m now ready to do what I really want to do. I worked hard to have a career I ended up hating because I did what I was supposed to do.  I never stopped to think about who I am or what I care about.”  The lesson here is that if you find yourself in pursuit of one of the top careers that most people are chasing after, slap yourself in the face and figure out what’s really driving this decision. If it’s mainly about looking good, getting ahead or gaining social status, chances are you’re going to end up in a job you won’t like or excel in. And, since so many people are stuck in the same trap, being miserable will seem normal.